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........Ephero.Toptera........ nagi.naoe: live, eat, mate, die. [entries|friends|calendar]

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[Wednesday / 23:46 / :31]
I've only slept six hours in the last five days.
And now that I have a nice seven hour window to sleep and I can because of my severe anxiety.
I'm hoping in a week all this bullshit will be done with. I've been running around, busting my ass and all I do is fuck up. And I have no excuse but my own stupidity! I feel like a dog that just ate the thanksgiving turkey. Time to go the way of Ol' Yeller. I'm so maxxed out that in the past six hours I've mauled my own hand, severely bitten my tongue and almost burned my finger off because I no longer feel pain. I feel extra shitty for acting like a cracked out bitch on the last meeting of my favorite class with my most dear professor. Everybody else is excited about graduation and I can't remember being this miserable for years.

born · 10 · live, die

[Saturday / 22:15 / :15]
[ mood | nervous ]



Ok, I absolutely hate roaches. My one irrational fear. I was lying down having a think and I felt something brush my face so I brushed it aside. Yeah, WELL IT WAS A *&@X# COCKROACH. Not only that I SMOOSHED IT ON MY FACE. OH GOOD GOD, IT OOZED ALL OVER MY SHIRT. I didn't turn on the light in the restroom until after I had washed my face and obsessed. I didn't want to KNOW what was actually on my skin.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeh and then the little fucker was still alive and crawling so I sprayed him to death with raid. It's demise does not undo the emotional scarring.

On my face...


born · 8 · live, die

[Tuesday / 21:56 / :28]
Myah, the last couple days I've been working pretty hard but somehow looking good doing it? My luck has just been pretty damn good for once! I dragged my ass into work yesterday morning, resisting the urge to call in and sleep some more, and wound up being the only one to show up >D I heard that Nelsie was furious at all the lazabouts! So instead of working on the cold-as-fuck wall I got to be Travis's bitch for the day. He worked me hard but at least I was warm and doing something more interestig than feeding cold mortar into joints. And I got to work in the super-haunted paintshops basement. I thought I was just being paranoid, but every person I've talked to that's worked there said they felt exactly the same as I did. There's a heavy feeling of eyes being on you and a strongly defined presence lurking around in the shadows. I seriously thought there was someone else in there at least five times, registering motion in the corner of my vision for 15 minutes before looking to see absolutely nobody around me. Everything in Savvy is haunted *sigh* especially a 200+ y.o. railroad station.
Anyway, after work my friend Billy stopped over and hung out with me for a good while X3 I don't really find myself that interesting, so it still surprises me when people seem to value my opinion and company. Then I really didn't feel like going to my first class because I was beat and almost skipped but at the last minute changed my mind and trucked it to class. It was SUCH a drag but I'm so glad I went. See, the drag is not that I dislike the class or the professor, but the people in my class are absolute boneheads! I had to listen to their drivel for two hours and it was like pulling teeth. The upside was that I made myself look like a friggen genius several times over. You'd think that people in the #1 art college in america would be able to A.) Form and communicate a logical and clearly thought out topic and B.) think in any feeble way outside the box and on an emotional level. Aaaaaaaaaaabsolute boneheads. Not even going to explain it.
Then today I got up bright and early and went to my class~ Mmmm, I stopped at Metro and got coffee and a banana muffin. It's so fun to have a coffee shop where you're friends with the barristas and owner. Oh god, it's like Cheers. Everybody knows my name. Humm, entertained Jason after class instead of sleeping. Went to my second class of the day, entertained Jason and Candince instead of sleeping and went to a work cocktail party at the readout instead of sleeping. I really didn't want to go because my alergies have been murderous and the medicine I'm taking knocks me out, but once again, I was glad I made the effort X3. For the first time in my life I felt cute and popular (I know, I'm so lame :D). Everyone was happy to see me and complimenting my getup (people at work are used to seeing me in an ugly baby-blue floppy t-shirt and jeans with holes in them and covered in mortar dust) and I... mingled. I've always had some social anxiety and often kind of forced myself through things but today I just showed up, didn't stick to the people I came with like glue but shifted around through different groups as I felt like it. They had free beer and what looked like yummy food. I wasn't hungry but a couple of the guys fed me a little, haha. Humm, so, I guess even though things can take some effort it can be worth it if you just stick to your guns and press forward. Iunno, I've actually been feeling kinda blue off and in. Spring's not really a great time for me and I have some things on my mind. But maybe all my hard work is finally beginning to pay off and maybe, just maybe I can reap the rewards soon? Haha, wishful thinking from an unlucky girl!
Errr... I'm really so sorry to everyone that I'm hardly online anymore >< Don't ask me why, but ever since winter vacation I just have not had the urge to use AIM. Please forgive me!

born · 1 · live, die

[Friday / 22:24 / :17]
Woah, I have the same birthday as Martha Stewart and Steve Martin o_O Freaky.

Anyway, school is done! Hurraaaaaaaaay! It feels to get the stress done with. I still haven't wound down into relaxation though. My lovely sister is coming tomorrow! Yay, so excited! Hope she doesn't mind that I sleep a lot X3 I feel sooooo lazy. St. Patrick's day was crazy in Savvy, as usual. I walked to Kroger's and found the park FULL of armed, uniformed soldiers. I shoulda stuck around, sure I would have gotten a few numbers XD I'm still not feeling 100% emotionally, but I think once things chill out everything will be alright. I'm just being stoopid, I'm sure <3

born · 1 · live, die

[Tuesday / 13:58 / :07]
[ mood | crazy ]

Haha, I found my old mp3 player that I haven't listened to since I was in highschool X3 I got it all rigged up and started jamming to the songs I still remember from when I was 16 years old... I know, I'm lame. But it kind of struck me that no matter how many things have changed, I'll always be the same somewhere deep down. Okay, I've been paying too much attention in my Studies in Existentialism class. n_n()
Um, right now things are ultra busy and increasingly weird... There's a gored cat and a possum that have been following me around T_T And boys are being as perplexing as ever. I won't even get into it. Anyway, wish me luck! The noose is tightening!

born · 1 · live, die

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